orangepsyco1016

i hate it i hate being the only one out of everyone i know who has not been in a relationship. i swear all my hope of finding someone who truely cares has gone out the window and into space. there is none. i will never find anyone who loves me for me. i guess this is what i  get for being a fat person. its gotten to the point where i just dont want to try anymore. i have no drive at all. no base for anything to build off of. my life truely sucks right now. i watch everyone around me fall in and out of relationships and i cant even get i guy to look my way. i have been friend zoned to the lowest level and i hate it. i am to scared to tell anyone how i feel because i know no one will ever feel the same about me. i need to just give up. its a hopless cause. i dont even think loseing weight would help.how do you find the one person who is not going to care and is just gunna love you for who you are defects and all. i just want to find love.

every one tells you its the girl who put the guy in the friend zone. but that is not always the case. i am currently literally head over heels for my best friend who just happens to be a guy. when i am around him all i here about is the girls he has been txting and the girl he really really likes. i just put on a smile and try to have a good time, but it really hurts. it makes me feel like im not good enough for anyone at all. yesterday things got bad. i thought we were having a good time till slowly things started going down hill very fast. and by the end of the night we were both irritated with each other. but know i am starting to realize that maybe its not worth it to try anymore. why try to gain someones feelings when they dont ever think twice about you. i feel like it is time to just stop being so naive and just accept the fact that im not wanted. in any way. he was my best friend but know i just feel like i have become his irritating tag-a-long that he cant get rid of. so what should i do? do i leave him alone and try to move on, or do i wait it out and see what happens? though i do think it best if i just leave him alone for a while. could that be the best for both of us?

Thoughts of you and sleep are always competing but it seem like sleep always wins. But sleep is getting weaker every night and you are ground stronger.

today in Bio class we were given the assignment of am open book quiz. i got my paper and i got a book. when i was on about the 5th question i got distracted and when i went back to my work i saw that my paper had been replaced by an unstapled blank quiz. i looked over at my partner and i see he has my paper. I try to get it back but he keeps pulling it away so i cant reach it. I tell him to give it back but instead he pulls out an orange pen and starts writing down his answers on my paper. i start demanding he give my paper back, but then he writes his name on my paper in pen. so i give up staple the quiz that he replaced mine with and started again. he then while i was working wrote my name, spelling it wrong to make me even more mad, on my second paper.i give him a dirty look and he just smiles his goofy smile at me and i cant help but laugh at him. He bugs the crud out of me but he is such a goof ball that i cant help but enjoy being around him.this is what i get for liking the most inconvenient boys possible. lol gotta Love bio and my silly Lab Partner.